Great Programmer Jokes (2)

Another set of developer / programmer / hacker-related jokes:

A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air.  His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack?  Smoking is hazardous to your health!” 
To which the man replies, “I am a programmer.  We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”
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There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies, and benchmarks.
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The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.
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A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike.  The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”
The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike.  She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.”
The first student responds, “Good choice!  Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.” 


Great Programmer Jokes (1)

Here are some jokes for programmers, developers, coders, and hackers. Not sure they are for the rest of us...



Two bytes meet.  The first byte asks, “Are you ill?” 
The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”


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A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat.  An hour later he comes back upset that the butcher shortchanged him by 24 grams.
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Eight bytes walk into a bar.  The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”
“Yeah,” reply the bytes.  “Make us a double.”
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Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?
A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
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How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None – It’s a hardware problem

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Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.
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Eight bytes walk into a bar.  The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”
“Yeah,” reply the bytes.  “Make us a double.”
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There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t.
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A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat.  An hour later he comes back upset that the butcher shortchanged him by 24 grams.
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“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
very long pause….
“Java.”