Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with computer professionals?
A: A DBA
Q: How many DBAs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five, one to propose a change, three to criticise the expected
performance, and one to implement the change- which requires a forceful
upward screwing motion.
A DBA goes out of his visual studio to go to the InitPub and asks for a
large Table with a View. The localhost, who is also the enterprise
manager here, points with his index finger: “Why don’t you join those
two tables over there? “. The DBA takes a quick lookup and says, “They
are looking very user friendly, but I’m not sure if they are into a
union”. The localhost insists: “They are nice looking models, this is a
hint”. ” Ok, ” says the DBA, “but I think they are very interested in a
commit, and I am only interested in a loose connection and a little
transaction. I think I’m not the type for such good looking relational
model”. The localhost turns around, just saying ” Well, access with
integrity” and goes on with his services. The DBA goes to the tables. ”
Hello, what can i get you?” The response is a bit cold: “We like our
usual ACID. But for the record, I don’t like to abort, so you’d better
roll back to where you came from”. The DBA was a bit or 8 shocked by
this result. “Oh! But we could have a shared memory together” he says.
“how about a replication?”. ” Nope, it’s runtime for you now. Out!”
That triggers the DBA to leave immediately; he doesn’t even want to make
a snapshot, and walks out. “I need to recover” he thought, “I’m
standalone again, but that’s okay. Two tables? Such relation would have
been one-too- many for me anyway….”
"NULL is the Chuck Norris of the database - nothing can be compared to it."