Jokes about Database Administrators (DBAs)

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with computer professionals?
A: A DBA

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Q: How many DBAs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five, one to propose a change, three to criticise the expected performance, and one to implement the change- which requires a forceful upward screwing motion.

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A DBA goes out of his visual studio to go to the InitPub and asks for a large Table with a View. The localhost, who is also the enterprise manager here, points with his index finger: “Why don’t you join those two tables over there? “. The DBA takes a quick lookup and says, “They are looking very user friendly, but I’m not sure if they are into a union”. The localhost insists: “They are nice looking models, this is a hint”. ” Ok, ” says the DBA, “but I think they are very interested in a commit, and I am only interested in a loose connection and a little transaction. I think I’m not the type for such good looking relational model”. The localhost turns around, just saying ” Well, access with integrity” and goes on with his services. The DBA goes to the tables. ” Hello, what can i get you?” The response is a bit cold: “We like our usual ACID. But for the record, I don’t like to abort, so you’d better roll back to where you came from”. The DBA was a bit or 8 shocked by this result. “Oh! But we could have a shared memory together” he says. “how about a replication?”. ” Nope, it’s runtime for you now. Out!”

That triggers the DBA to leave immediately; he doesn’t even want to make a snapshot, and walks out. “I need to recover” he thought, “I’m standalone again, but that’s okay. Two tables? Such relation would have been one-too- many for me anyway….”

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"NULL is the Chuck Norris of the database - nothing can be compared to it."