The Cowboy, the Yuppie, and the Government

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?" Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his iPhone 5, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Samsung Galaxy that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a DB2 on z/OS database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are, and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living, or about cows for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.

Now give me back my dog.

Windows 8 - Some Jokes and Thoughts

Installation CD:
They say when you play that Microsoft CD backward you can hear satanic messages. But that's nothing: If you play it forward it will install Windows 8.

New form of navigation:
All scroll wheels go up and down, but Windows 8 wants you to scroll sideways.

Windows extreme:
You like Windows? With Windows 8 you got windows of windows in windows, plenty of windows to like.

Windows 8 is Windows XT (eXTreme).

The right choice?
If I wanted a smartphone OS on my computer I would use Android, not Windows 8.

Importance of Product Versioning:
Are you upgrading to Windows 8?
You must be joking, I already have Windows 95. I am not going backwards 87 versions.

Chuck Norris:
Chuck Norris is the only person to have started Windows 8 in Desktop Mode without ever seeing a single tile.

Chuck Norris knows already all the bugs of Windows 8.

Chuck Norris can operate Windows 8.

Marriage Contracts and Database Guys

Ever tried to marry a database guy? They will first try to negotiate a marriage contract and will start talking about savepoints, possible rollbacks, and how hard it can get to reach true commitment. Don't even get started in distributed environments (weekend relationships)...