Chuck Norris doesn't use computers.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t use a computer because a computer does everything slower than Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t need an Operating System.
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Chuck Norris compresses his files by doing a flying round house kick to the hard drive.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t program with a keyboard. He stares the computer down until it does what he wants.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.
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There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
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Chuck Norris’s keyboard doesn’t have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
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There is no Esc key on Chuck Norris’ keyboard, because no one escapes Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself.
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Chuck Norris’ programs never exit, they terminate!
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Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions…and have them return.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t needs try-catch, exceptions are too afraid to raise.
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Chuck Norris likes Windows 8 and knows how to operate it.
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Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t use web standards as the web will conform to him.
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Chuck Norris can overflow your stack just by looking at it.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t need sudo, he just types “Chuck Norris” before his commands.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t get compiler errors, the language changes itself
to accommodate CN.
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Computers may have kernel panic: Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can binary search unsorted data.
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Chuck Norris can read all encrypted data, because nothing can hide from Chuck Norris.
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Every SQL statement that Chuck Norris codes has an implicit “COMMIT” in its end.